“Someone takes a photo of a girl in a red jumper playing in front of a red towel on the line and they think they’re Van fucking Gogh.”
- JB

“What would your friends say if they heard you… ‘Oh look, scented candles’”
- My wife

“I was going to buy a drink but they wouldn’t take a card…”
- Girl, student bar, Cardiff.

“We need more biscuits.”
“We had 3 tins…”
“I’ve eaten them.”
- Couple Xmas shopping in Tesco

“Surname?”
“Thomas.”
“Christian name?”
“Err, what do you mean?”
– Bank teller & customer

“Did you feel that? Woof! Someone just came in. Woof! Right over my head. That’s been happening a lot lately. Did you feel that?”
– Woman feeling a ‘presence’ enter a New Age shop, Brecon.

“No, no, you must follow the yellow line. Going that way is just wrong.”
- Lady shopper, Ikea.

“You can say ‘Orange’ as often as you bloody like, you’re not having anything orange in your bedroom!”
- Father to daughter, Ikea.

“He was laughing like the devil.”
- My mother.

“You did beat off a couple of men to get that job didn’t you?”
– Jane Garvey (Woman’s Hour presenter), BBC Radio 4.